There are many Dog fans out there, though it’s safe to say my brother and I are number two and one respectively (they’re actually official rankings). Back in the days before I so selfishly abandoned my family to see the world, James and I would be walking along, one of us would spot a dog, and be like… “Dog”. The other would say ‘What, where?… Oh yeah, cool’. Then we’d stop and observe the Dog until it left the area, and analyse and discuss it afterwards. ‘That was a good Dog’. ‘Yeah, classic Dog’. Some Dogs were proud dogs, not with the aloof superiority of a cat, but dogs that weren’t up for just chatting to anyone, you needed to know them first. Other dogs were over excitable dogs, who, in the company of a group of new people, would lose their heads and try to sniff and be patted by absolutely everyone, all at the same time. Then get so overwhelmed they’d break into a chase your-tail-routine before collapsing to the floor. Other dogs were take-it-easy dogs… a hot day, sitting on the pavement waiting for their owner… soft constant breaths, massive smile, tongue out, surveying the landscape. ‘Yeah, it’s a hot day, I’m a dog, just chilling, how’s things?’
Our now deceased family dog, Sam, had it all… looks, brains and the ability to make people laugh. Sadly, Sam’s life ended in tragic circumstances. It was one of those ridiculous 35 degree summer night’s, we were all down at the beach. Sam, feeling as though she was missing out, decided she’d come down too, taking advantage of the door being left slightly ajar (curse the person who did that, curse you!). Though, being a typical Guerin (blind and no sense of direction), she turned right instead of left, straight towards the highway. If you have tears, prepare to shed them, for you know what happened next. We returned from the beach to notice her missing, and soon after, found her lying on the highway surrounded by 3 car loads of people who had stopped to keep her company. She heard my Mums voice, tried to rise to her feet, but couldn’t, and fell back down. While her eyes could no longer see, they could surely speak, and at that moment they said ‘Don’t leave the milk bowl out for me tomorrow morning Mum, for I’m not going to make it’. In another act of kindness, one of the cars went out of their way to lead us to the nearest vet, as we didn’t know how to get there (again, no sense of direction). Later that night she was put to rest.
On that note I think we should bow our heads in a minutes silence for Sam, one of the ‘classic’ Dogs.
Ok heads back up, eyes up. So, dogs are good… forever loyal, trustworthy and loads of personality. I want my future wife to be like a dog. No wait, that sounds weird. I want her to have the attributes of a dog. Shit, still weird. Ok, I want us to have a dog together. Not like… create one, instead of a kid…. Oh fuck it, I’ll just stay single and buy one.
One final Sam anecdote
Sam was a bit of an adventure dog, it’s in a Blue Heelers nature. She was once bitten by a snake. Another time she left home to fight a German Shepherd, returning with a massive chunk missing from her back. At first, upon seeing our gasps of horror, she was all like… ‘What, what? Oh this? That’s nothing, I can’t even feel it, you should see the other dog.’ Then it was a case of ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, it really fucking hurts. Take me to a vet now, I’m ganna fucking die!’ She ended up having something like 100 stitches. Afterwards, Mum gave her a bit of a dog lecture.. ‘See Sam, let this be a lesson. You can’t just sneak out of home to fight German Shepherds, for they rule this neighbourhood, not you!’ Sam then gave a disgruntled puppy huff, and hobbled away.
Later that night I went and sat next to Sam in the darkness within which she sulked. I said, ‘Don’t listen to that, fuck that. Sure you have been defeated, but you are far from lost. Learn from this defeat, but don’t dwell on it. Be gracious in it. Respect the German Shepherds, but don’t fear them. For if you really want it, one day it will be you who rules this neighbourhood, not them. It just takes time. Yesterday you were too scared to look at the German Shepherds. Today you had the audacity to confront them. Tomorrow you will have the wisdom to overcome them. Every dog has his day, and yours is coming. Wink’. With that, Sam winked back, rose, and hobbled to her milk bowl for a quick sip, then settled into her favourite patch of grass, and mused into the light of the stars above. Fade into stars aaaaand CUT!
All of that was true, except the part where I had a deep and meaningful conversation with a dog. I have done that before, when I was 21, but that was because the devils candy I’d taken was laced with LSD.