Anecdote

This is a new segment I’m going to call: things that could only happen to Rob Kluger. Once while shopping, Rob felt a rumbling in the tummy so as such, retreated to the men’s room to drop the kids off at the pool. This is where it all went pear shaped, or should I say, cucumber shaped. Lets just say it’s never good when you look to the left and see a hole in the cubicle wall. It’s even worse when a pointy thing pops its head through to say hello. Needless to say, Rob shat himself (a bit more) and ran.

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Tour dates/Tour in jeopardy

The forthcoming Thailand tour is in jeopardy due to an untimely bout of sickness. Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Shiva… whichever one of you is most powerful or most right, I’ll worship you till I go to that better place, if you can just get me better tomorrow. I’ll become a born again Christian. I’ll take back my stance of believing in reality. I’ll stop having sex, and when I get the urge, I’ll just entrap a little boy. I’ll become homophobic. I swear (not to you of course), I’ll walk into work tomorrow and tell all the dirty gays they are evil. They are sick. All my sick gay friends form my past… I’ll disown them. My gay Uncle, I’ll tell him he is no longer related to me until he finds a way to suppress who he is. I’ll change my stance that, if I have kids, they will need to walk over my dead body before they go anywhere near a Christian School. I’m happy for them to be brainwashed for 12 years like I was, to be told at the age of 7, they must worship Jesus and constantly sing about him. For them to feel most suspicious about Brother Rory, Brother David and Brother, Oh Brother how I like little boys.

On second thoughts, fuck Thailand, I forfeit it. I’ll stay sick.

Sorry to the devout Christians I may have offended. Actually, no I’m not. You’ve offended me my whole life and have never once aplogised. Wear it.

Posted in Religion Post Comment

iPad. iDon’t think so

Here are some of the best and worst comments made in the world of blogging and journalism last week:

The Worst

Blogger: How does apple always know what we need before we need it?

It’s called marketing. You’re exactly the type of brand obsessive that allows the archetypal ad man to drive a Porsche to work instead of a more humble Saab. I bought it, because they told me to.

Stephen Fry: I want to fondle it and lick it.

There are these things called females (or in your case, men) Stephen. Find one. NOW.

The Best

Blogger: …but hey, it looks COOL, is THIN and is made by APPLE… so better buy one.

I like your style, let’s exchange notes.

Blogger: Steve Jobs is not the Messiah, he’s a business with a gullible customer base.

Ditto.

I came up with some clever names for the iPad. They are: iSad, iShat, iDon’t give a shit about discovering new ways to browse the web or the idea of reading a novel on a screen. iAm not a mac nerd who gets aroused every time apple breaks news/wind, iAm going to Thailand in less than 2 weeks, iAm thinking of growing a mid nineties style bob-cut.

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