I have devised an important guide to a few of the caricatures we encounter in everyday society. Please take some time to look over it. Feedback welcome.
1. The Bogan
For those of you unfamiliar with the definition of a bogan, it is best introduced with pictures. Please take a moment to observe these images.
Bogans exist in many forms; the original and oldest bogan is the traditional bogan. Many consider this type of bogan to be among the lowest forms of life on earth. Rather than brains, the traditional bogan has a large set of balls through which it generates thought and action. The traditional bogan is incapable of progress or change. It reaches its peak level of maturity and insight at the age of 11, from which it slowly decends. It is often prone to extreme anger, violence, xenophobia, misplaced patriotism, in-breeding, and is usually a direct descendant of a convict. There is currently a strong movement to strip the bogan of its right to vote and send it back to England. Regular citizens are encouraged to avoid the traditional bogan at all times.
2. The Progressive Bogan
Born and bred a traditional bogan, often raised by a traditional bogan, the progressive bogan found the courage to branch out into new areas, whether through the acquisition of money or an ability to evolve beyond the age of 11… to 16. They are interesting caricatures. While a traditional bogan always has a hunch that he is nothing more than useless white trash, the progressive bogan experiences delusions of adequacy and coolness. They have found a way to integrate with regular society by latching onto the latest ‘trends’. ‘Trends’ such as bright tees with low cut necks and big sunglasses. They like Nickelback, but show their diversity by also listening to techno and house, something the traditional bogan could never embrace, and something the traditional bogan will call them a poof for. The progressive bogan still wears tight jeans, but in a different sense to the traditional bogan. They are not afraid to get blonde tips and tinker with their hair. The progressive bogan is a fan of generic, banal tattoos. They have moved on from the mermaid and Southern Cross, to Chinese symbols and large, old English fonts spelling their name or some other fuckwit word. Lately, many progressive bogans have been getting their entire arm tattooed, a sign they are now sourcing hipster trends, and are encroaching upon them. When a progressive bogan latches onto a trend, it spells its death. Unlike the traditional bogan, they love to travel, confirming their progressive thinking. Many move to London/Europe to showcase their versatility, seeking out new bogan bars, in new bogan neighbourhoods, with a group of new/ same bogan friends. Other progressive bogans include: professional footballers, cricketers, flashy corporate types.
3. The Hipster
Hipsters are at the other end of the society scale, or so they’d like to think. They are so original, so hip, so different, but always careful to ensure they always wear exactly the same thing as the hipster next to them, or as instructed to wear in latest ironic fashion journal. They are anti exercise, anti sport, certainly anti gym; in fact they’re anti health. They are usually so gaunt and pale they look like they’re about to die, it’s all part of the image. But they do like to cycle. They are kooky and ironic. Hipsters are people of great contrast and balance: small jeans, small shirt, small vest, small tie, small body, balanced by… large glasses, large fringe, large levels of mocking inflicted upon them by regular society. They love to be part of a ‘scene’: un-used warehouse parties, secret gallery openings, underground gigs, cafes in toilets, over the top kooky bars with kooky music and kooky, hipster, angst ridden bar staff. It’s not wank to them, it’s just kooky. They like to go against the grain and support causes that enhance their image. They are staunchly liberal/left wing, again, mainly because it’s good for the image. Hipsters are imperialists. They like to take over gritty, working class towns and turn them into ‘scenes’. See East London and parts of inner city Melbourne. Once a hipster gets word of a developing ‘scene’, they will swarm to the area in large numbers and form hipster colonies. The soul, charm and creative spirit of the area will always remain; it’s just that now it’s painted with hipster wallpaper.
4. The Graphic Designer
Stereotypical graphic designers are among the most annoying caricatures in society. Thankfully for most people, they will never be exposed to them as they live in a designer bubble, far removed from the real world. They assume everyone in society is as knowledgeable in design as they are, and like to mock those who don’t know the meaning of kerning, leading or what resolution an image needs to be before it can be printed. They are combative and like to think that the client and its brand is in fact the property of the designer, not the fee-paying client. A designer was once heard making the following complaint when being forced to change artwork against his wishes: ‘You don’t tell a doctor how to do his job, this is ridiculous!!’ This is a perfect example of the delusions under which a designer lives; you are not a doctor, so to compare yourself to one, THAT’S ridiculous. Much like the progressive bogan, they suffer delusions of adequacy as a result of the inflated opinion they have of themselves and their standing in society. The designers that achieve a high level of success are most annoying. They reach an awkward stage on the cultural ladder, revered in some respects, but still nothing more than an artist for the consumer world. They wish they were actual artists, but they are not. At exhibitions, they always take a backseat to industrial design, interior design, and architecture. Never the less, they prance around in their thick black frames and all white studios, as though they are an integral part of the cultural elite. Some designers achieve such notoriety and fame with their work that they can start producing absolute shit, under the guise of breaking the rules, really, it’s just shit. If a student did it they would be ridiculed, if a wanker does it, it’s edgy.
5. The Intellect, and The Intellect Ridden With Angst
Intellects have so much knowledge they are unable to engage in a conversation without boring the fuck out of the other party with superfluous facts. Also have an air of superiority due to the fact they memorised the encyclopedia. Enjoy casually dropping 7 syllable words into sentences. They are unable to distinguish memory and intelligence. A microscopic awareness of facts is just a good memory, not necessarily intelligence. Angst Ridden Intellects have the lethal combination of knowledge and angst. They are against everything, anti everything. They contribute comments to articles in The Guardian online with vehement criticism, whether it’s anti the topic, anti the journalist, anti the papers inability to be left leaning, its perceived middle ground stance, giving too much leeway to the right, anti the comment placed before it, anti the Labour Party for not being left enough, anti the Labour Party for being too far left and compromising their chances of being elected, anti Ed Miliband for being David’s brother, anti Ed Milliband for having Blairites in his shadow cabinet, anti… yawn, anti… shut the fuck up. You’re dammed if you do, you’re dammed if you don’t. Don’t try to appease an angst ridden intellect, just let them simmer. They are always careful to post comments under a guise, rarely their real identity. Like all the caricatures I’ve discussed, they are removed from the real world. They need to be slapped twice a week. Questioning the system is good, they are not.
6. The Creator of Stuff & Shit
Please complete this one yourself. Hints: Short man syndrome, self-loathing designer, angst ridden intellect without the intellect part, boy becoming a man, political rapper etc etc etc (negative comments will be deleted).
Thanks everyone xxx