Reasons why it would be shit to have Balls as your surname

Reason 1: Journalists will unintentionally put the word dog before it. Dog balls.

Posted in Found, Politics Post Comment

Facebook

Posted in Facebook, Found Post Comment

Please Vote

Please vote for what you consider to be the most disturbing aspect of this ad.

a) The ladies questionable puffy mullet hairstyle.
b) The ladies motives for stealing the pants of a gargantuan fat man and parading them around like a trophy.
c) Lighterlife.com has changed her from being a generously proportioned black woman to a skinny white one.

Stuff & Shit is AGAINST racist ads on the London Underground.

Posted in Advertising, Found, Vote Post Comment

Stuff & Shit Controversy

Several commentators have recently criticised the balance discrepancy between the level of shit in Stuff & Shit, versus the level stuff in Stuff & Shit, arguing that Stuff & Shit has more shit than stuff and calling for more stuff and less shit in Stuff & Shit, to balance out the relationship between stuff and shit in Stuff & Shit.

The shit being the anecdotes that are blatant lies, or the blatant sampling other people’s work (which I call disseminating).

Example of shit (pun unintended)
Observe this recent post/witty observation, followed by the story behind it:


American poo. McDonald’s?

The Story
Adrienne BonDurant: Oh, step a few feet back, look up, what does that sign say?
Adrian Guerin: What sign?
Look straight up, what does it say.
Where, what?
The sign, right there, from this position, what does it say?
Who?
The f***ing sign, what does it say, it’s funny. American what?
Las Vegas?
American Poo you f***ing idiot. From this angle it says American Poo… you are a waste of space.
Oh yeah cool. I’m ganna take a pic of that.

That night it was on the blog, no credit. Also, comments had been disabled, no scope for protest.

Shit, example 2
Some posts have shown political leanings to be left of centre in their nature. However, while one minute I’ll preach as such; being a man of the people, the next I will be overheard making the following comment walking down the high street:

And on the left here is Subway, that’s where bogans, chavs and the lower classes go to eat their meals. On the right here is McDonald’s, that’s where the litter of society go to inhale their meals. If you pass by at midnight on a Saturday, you will experience a real life history lesson by stepping back in time to that of the Hunter Gatherers, the savages, Neanderthals, fighting, mating and scavenging for scraps.

Editors comment
While Stuff & Shit is the voice of the people, it does not advocate freedom of speech (just like the Daily Fail and Metro). You are welcome to read the blog, but you cannot comment. You cannot disagree. You cannot question. Your influence will not be credited. All you can do is nod your head and ‘Like’ (much like society’s docile masses). Don’t like it? Go to the top bar and click the button just above the masthead. Which button? NEXT!*

Enter resounding roar of crowd.
Exit Stuff & Shit, ushered away by bodyguards.
Kid breaks crowd and asks ‘Stuff & Shit, why are you so hardcore?’
Shrug shoulders. Dunno. Now FUCK OFF PUNK!
Final roar from crowd.

Thanks everyone xxx

The ‘NEXT’ reference relates to the former home of Stuff & Shit, which had a button allowing readers to move to the next blog.
Stuff & Shit has shown its progressive side since being absorbed by LO-FI, the latter insisting on the people having the right to comment on posts.

Posted in Anecdote, Stuff & Shit Post Comment

Advertising is clever Part 1

I know these ads are deliberately stupid and kooky ironic in a trendy well researched targeted demographic care free spirited fuck the system kinda way, but it is still the opinion of Stuff & Shit that these ad men should stick to producing traditional pointless stupid shit, not ironic pointless stupid shit.

I wish those guns were real. No seriously, I really wish they were real.
Guys, can I play? It looks real but it’s not. Let me play.

To be fair, this one is clever. I like the way the girl is questioning why glasses should be worn over eyes without hair underneath. And how she’s being really silly in a really vacuous, numb sorta way. I really like it. And how she’s really bony with a massive armpit hole.

Suspected pee stain.

This is my favourite, it’s a little bit controversial and really hits the spot with closet activists. Because so many political activists are models nowadays, and dress in carefully constructed casual Diesel street wear. ‘Hey mate, you look like a shop window mannequin. Yeah you. C’mon, what you ganna do? You’re a mannequin, you’re frozen in a carefully constructed pose’.

Frail, half-naked and aloof, waiting to accept it from behind because she is cool. It’s not sexist, because it’s a play on sexism, see… advertising is clever. It’s aware of what it is doing. I get it. I’m going to give this to my nieces so they know how to be cool when they grow up. That’s it Millie, run to Diesel, it’s ok, they’re a brand, they do market-research, you’re their market now, listen to them, do what they say. Go on Millie, Diesel is your guardian now, go on.

Die Diesel Die!

Posted in Advertising Post Comment

New Years Resolutions

Seek to redefine perceptions of height: short=cool, tall=burden

Finish memoirs
Masturbate less
Domesticate a wild animal
Seek redemption
Resolve dispute with neighbours’ children
Draw up chapter 4 of manifesto
Lose virginity
Become a man

Posted in Self Critique Post Comment

Found in London Recently

The night the anarchists tried to destroy Christmas:

After hijacking student protests, the anarchists ventured to Trafalgar Square and started setting fire to the giant xmas tree. Within seconds riot police swarmed the area, sprayed the tree and formed a guard around it, subsequently saving Christmas.


This is the line of police blocking entry to Whitehall. I got face to face with them, shouting abuse and taunting them while playing NWA’s Fuck The Police on my massive portable stereo system. One of them broke the line and cracked me on the head with his baton, the sound it made was kinda like that of a baton hitting a hollow piece of wood. It hurt dearly so I ran away. The stereo system was scratched but still works, I now use it to drown out the Spotify music at work. I was finally offered a very modest redundancy package yesterday.


American poo, McDonald’s?

Posted in Found Post Comment

Written Piece for work newsletter

I wrote this for the newsletter at work. The occasion was bowling to farewell a colleague and Adam is the owner of the company I work for:

The evening kicked off with sparkling wine in the studio before Adam came charging through the door… ‘Alright, what’s the plan?!’ Everyone looked at each other… ‘What? He’s actually coming? I thought it was just media hype’. It was kinda like Dad taking out the kids on a family night out. He even bought us dinner and drinks, cheers Dad.

Nicole found success by applying extreme force to get results (just like real life). We still have visions of her charging down the lane before letting out an excruciating scream upon releasing the ball. She made the children nearby cry. Sarah was as farcical as everyone thought and hoped she would be…the awkward mix of high altitude and little to no co-ordination. Sarah is the only person who could manage to wake up with heavy bruising from 2 rounds of bowling. Krista paid an inordinate amount of attention to style and technique, often halting play for extended periods to pose for photoshoots of herself in ‘action’. The difference between Krista in a photoshoot and Krista in actual action was palpable. Adam achieved the highest score possible for enthusiasm… bouncing around like an over excited kid all night… heckling and high fiving everything in sight. Sadly his form with the ball was bitterly disappointing. Bitterly, bitterly disappointing. To whom do the workers look when their leader lets them down? I scored 150, which I think was more than double my nearest competitor… Sigh. Adam and co bode bode farewell and it was left to the truly hardcore to see the night out… Krista, Sarah and myself. They both tried it on with me several times before I pleaded with them to control themselves and not spoil the night. They couldn’t, so I put them in a cab and sent them home.

A top night had by all, all the best to Krista on her trip back to the other side!


Posted in Anecdote Post Comment