This post will help male readers acquire a clearer understanding of acceptable etiquette in the troth area of a public toilet.
Users are discouraged from attempts at generating conversation at the trough. Trough-time is one time in the day when we should not have to endure small talk and petty chitchat. Recently, while having dinner with friends of friends, I was the victim of trough-talk. ‘I’m off to the lavatory’, I said. To my dismay, one of the table members came with me. I turned around with a confused look, what? Why not wait a few minutes? Are you a child who needs someone else to accompany him to the toilet? We just had dinner, now we’re potentially going to be standing side by side with our penis’ out. This is unacceptable. I gambled that if I went to the trough, he’d go to the cubical. I thought if I go straight to the cubical and avoid the trough, I’ll seem weak, or as though I have something to hide. I put the onus on him. It backfired; not only did he pull up right next to me, he started general chitchat.
Do you have any siblings?
Oh great, how old is she?
Struggling to adapt to peeing with a stranger and friendly chitchat, I started buckling under the pressure. Um, he’s 29.
Oh no, I meant my Dad.
Your dad is 29?
How old is your sister?
Um, I don’t have one… a sister I mean. Actually, I do have one.
Are you feeling ok?
I felt like saying, ‘Look, I just need to focus on this, you’ve thrown me. I don’t excel at small talk at the best of times, let alone at a trough. I thought I was going to get some quiet time here.’ Instead, I looked at him, ‘I’m ok, just tired’.
The mistake here, of course, was the ‘looking’ part. If trapped in trough-talk, users should avoid attempts at eye contact. So, while I was looking over and carrying on with general chitchat, behind the chitchat, however, I was just thinking ‘Don’t look at his cock don’t look at his cock’, I then forgot what I was saying, because I was thinking, ‘don’t look at his cock don’t look at his cock’. It’s not as though I wanted to look at his cock, it’s kinda like when someone has a glass eye, it throws you off balance. All this meant I was unable to finish the job for which I came. The waterfall had turned into a dripping tap. Stuff this; I’m aborting, ‘See you back at the table’. He keeps talking while I wash my hands. ‘Look, I just wanna go upstairs, why don’t you just let the conversation die damn you! It’s over!’ In the end I just left while he remained at the trough, talking and pissing away.
*Story embellished for effect
Strange Personal Habits
Users are discouraged from bringing their strange personal toilet habits into the public domain of the trough. That is, if you are one of the many men who need to give ‘Mr Johnson’ a friendly yank a few times, in order for him to be woken up and activated, you are labelled INAPPROPRIATE, and are encouraged to wait for a cubicle to become available and refrain from using the trough. Yanking ‘The General’ is unacceptable behaviour at the trough. When someone goes on a yanking session, I usually think, ‘You bastard, why can’t you just be normal’. Further to this, excessive levels of shaking at the conclusion is also discouraged, a simple shake is enough. Just do it and leave please. Taking a peak at the cock next to you is the height of unacceptable troth etiquette. Eyes straight ahead, or down at your own cock, please.
When it comes to ‘Darth Vader’ I generally lean on the private side, that is, if I’m faced with the choice of relieving myself via a trough , or a cubicle, I’ll opt for the latter. It’s not like I have anything to hide, it’s more about not wanting to have my equipment out with freaks. That’s just natural isn’t it? When in the company of strange people, to prefer having ‘Mr Johnson’ back in the living room with his prodigal sons. Think about it, if you’re in an awkward moment/situation, you don’t think, hold on a minute, I know what will ease the tension, and flip out the ‘Chicken Fillet’(?). Or females, if you’re next to a person who is engaged in inappropriate acts, you’re impulse is not to unbutton your top and give your breasts a wiggle to ease the tension. Yes, I prefer my ‘Snake’ to be domesticated rather than slithering freely in the wild.
The Alpha Male
The alpha male is a menace at the trough. Alphas are encouraged to use the cubicle at all times. The alpha male feels at home at the trough, and sees it a chance for him to illustrate his manliness and flex his hypothetical muscle. Alphas often dramatise their actions at the trough, to perpetuate their myth: When taking ‘The Quarterback’ and ‘Wide Receivers’ out of his pants, he tends to bounce his knees as he flops them out, as though lifting a heavy sack of potatoes over a wall and letting it hang. Then, he leans forward and rests his arm on the wall, as though the weight of his gigantic cock and balls hosing down the troth is all too much, so leaning forward is required for support. Then he groans and lets out a gigantic, earth-shattering fart, as though marking his territory. Then, having proved himself to his fellow man, he grooms himself at the mirror for half an hour, so he can then prove himself to woman.
In closing, a troth story from a friend
The story goes, he once entered a work appraisal with a full tank, so 15 minutes in, was forced to excuse himself. While at the trough, the owner of the company just happened to pull up next to him, meaning he was victim of a chronic bout of stage fright, and unable to go. He stood there, mentally cursing his ‘Engine Room’ for failing him at this most crucial of moments. He was then forced to return to his 2-hour appraisal, with a full tank. Tragedy.
Which term for the penis do you prefer?
Mr Johnson, testicals being his prodigal sons
The Chicken Fillet
Texas Coral Snake
The Engine Room
The rightwing of the Tory party
Cock and balls
The Quarterback, Wide Receivers being the nuts