A Memo To Small Men

A recent event has led to me to create The Small Man Guild, a forum of news and dialogue for small men to discuss and share notable achievements of comrades around the world, in the hope that it inspires more small men to achieve acts of greatness.

The trigger for the guild came last week when I met a tall, attractive female. Not just your average run of the mill attractive female, her beauty was such that even my girlfriend said she thought about asking her out. I said by all means please do, just make sure you involve me in the party, love. SLAP! But attractive she surely was, so attractive, that upon seeing her for the first time you become disoriented. You are in a temporary state of shock. You ask several questions; Who am I? Where am I? What just happened here? You agree to things to your own detriment and step into some sort of parallel universe (description exaggerated for effect). After she left and I had regained my composure, we speculated about the physical appearance of her boyfriend. He would surely be tall and muscular with a strong presence. Maybe an Alpha male, a bit of a Ken. Probably an arrogant, territorial prick too, as is the Alpha way, regularly getting their balls out, clutching them in both hands yelling “LOOK AT THESE THINGS! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEM!! THEY ARE HUGE!! DON’T YOU DARE QUESTION ME!” Then we met him, and alas, he was a small man. Not just your average small, he was shorter than me. And skinnier (to be fair, I am pretty buff though, so comparisons are in fact, unfair).

This is a major coup for the small man; so often prone to viewing woman who are not small as simply unattainable. Obviously such news is no longer of use to me, as I am happily spoken for, but small single men around the world need to know what is possible. It’s kinda like discovering plutonium. Or discovering that the world is round.

It is hoped that by seeing small men achieving the unachievable, it will inspire small men to change the balance of power in the world, so that we see more small men leading countries. More small men in positions of power. The small man will oust the Alpha in a revolutionary coup. Gandhi (5″3) inspired peaceful protest, Lenin (5″5) inspired the Russian Revolution (disregard how it ended though), The Small Man Guild will inspire a new world order.

The Small Man Guild

Posted in Anecdote Post Comment

Post Comment