Blog Wavering

As you may have noticed, the blog is slowing down. Stuttering. The system is breaking down as I battle post Thailand health issues. The hideous aftermath of Thailand rolls on. I have become deranged, disconnected and dangerous. When I look in the mirror, I see a broken man. And I don’t mean metaphorically, I mean because I punched the mirror in a Why Me fist of rage.

Last week I sat through a meeting that lasted 1 hour and 15 minutes, and somehow managed to not take in a single word anyone said. This tactic will work just fine if you are not expected to contribute, but if someone should happen to throw a curveball in the form of ‘So Adrian, what do you think?’, well, you’re pretty much fucked. You have to rely on the bits of information that somehow seeped into your subconscious, process them, structure them into an answer and communicate them in a way that makes it appear as though you know what you’re talking about… all in a matter of seconds. Suffice to say I failed on all fronts. Not only did I fumble my words and go bright red, the answer I gave was not related to the question asked. ‘That’s a really interesting comment Adrian, BUT CAN WE PLEASE STICK TO THE TOPIC, WE HAVE A LOT TO GET THROUGH’. Oh ok, sorry. In my defence the meeting was one of those meetings you have already had 20 meetings about, and will probably have 20 more of by the end of the month. AH FOR F*’**S SAKE, HOW MANY F*****G TIMES TO WE HAVE TO DISCUSS THIS F*****G TOPIC. IT’S DISCUSSED. IT’S OVER. MOVE ON. LIFE IS NOT A F*****G PIE CHART. WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING WITH OUR LIVES?! When imagining me saying this, it’s best done picturing me standing in front of a room full of curious people, arms flailing, speaking in a dramatic, theatrical, Shakespearean accent, then storming out. WHAT ARE WE DOING WITH OUR LIVES?! Get it?

So as I reflect, it all becomes clear… the monkeys of Thailand merely bit me, the batons simply battered me, the gamma-hydroxybutyrate just raped me… it was these goddamn fucking meetings that broke me.

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