The following is a series of questions that have been raised over the years in relation to all things sexual. A new low for the blog.

What else was I supposed to do?
This was the question asked while a friend regaled the story of the time he accidentally locked himself in a cupboard for an entire day, so to pass the time he wanked. What else was I supposed to do?

Would ya?
This is the hypothetical question my boss would ask at the Bottle Shop/Off License/Liquor store in which I worked during my teens. He lived for woman. Worshipped them. His name was Shifty. The question related to the girl in the store at that moment, and whether I would be willing to engage in acts of a sexual nature with her if the situation arose. Would ya? Me being the gentlemen I am would obviously always say ‘I’d prefer not to answer that Shifty, our customers are not sex objects’.

Don’t you hate it when you see a girl so hot it ruins your day?
I have one particular friend who has his day ruined quite often. He’s not getting any love from the ladies, so when he sees a hot girl he gets no joy from it. He just grimaces and looks away. It’s all too much.

Can you relieve yourself when Mr Johnson is staring straight back at you?
I think that’s the best way of phrasing this one, use your imagination. The answer was yes, with great difficulty.

What’s the point in that?
That’s what I ask when I see a gaunt, frail super model. If there are no fun wobbly bits then there’s little point in it I say.

It’s kinda like a disease, isn’t it?
This was the question posed on man’s eternal desire for woman, it’s a disease. There’s no cure, just treatment. Some men get themselves into a lot of trouble battling the disease (John Terry, Tiger Woods, Bill Clinton, most footballers etc), others learn how to have their cake and eat it too (David Beckam).

Let’s not kid ourselves in thinking men are the sole possessors of the disease, woman have it too. Sometimes I think they have it worse. But woman have to conceal their disease and keep it a secret, while men just say ‘I live for woman. I have a disease. I’m comfortable with that’.

If you have anymore questions please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

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