THE PRINCIPLED AXE MURDERER

IAIN_DUNCAN_SMITH

During his reign as Work and Pensions Secretary, Iain Duncan Smith introduced a series of benefit sanctions that led to an unprecedented surge in food banks, suicides and deaths among the UK’s disabled and most vulnerable citizens. He twisted and misrepresented statistics, ignored independent advice and dogmatically pressed on with his cuts.

So When I heard about Iain Duncan Smith’s ‘principled’ resignation in response to his government’s savage welfare cuts, the image of a magnanimous axe murderer sprang to mind.

After ruthlessly hacking at the limbs of every cripple in the country, he stands above the last remaining survivor and looks down in disgust. Nothing can irate a conservative like an unemployed cripple gobbling up taxes, ‘You vile miscreant. It’s about self-empowerment. Walk damn you!’. Then, he has an idea – a conscience! He lowers his axe, turns to the nation’s media and proudly announces that he will not kill any more plebs. For this selfless act of morality, the nation’s media offer a rousing round of applause. Even the grateful cripple claps (with one arm of course).

Wow. What a guy.

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