Travellers are expected to know everything

It’s just expected that wherever you go, you already have inside knowledge of the way everything operates. In the space of 24 hours I managed to offend 3 people from 3 different countries because i didn’t have the inside knowledge required to function efficiently. Firstly, a tip for those ordering tickets at the Jerusalem bus station.. Don’t wait for the surly arse at the counter to acknowledge you in the slightest way before ordering your tickets. As soon as you get there you must bark an order for the exact route required for your return ticket, already knowing exactly which departure time you need from jerusalem, you even need to know what time your bus will be departing from Jordan 2 days later. Embarrassingly, I didn’t know any of this, all I knew was I needed a bus ticket to the border crossing. But it was the fact that I waited for the arse to finish what he was doing before beginning my request that riled him. He was busy doing whatever on his computer, so 9 times out of 10 you can be sure that if you just go ahead and order before he’s finished what he’s doing, it’ll start a war. So I waited. Big mistake. He was furious that he had to look at me..
‘What is it?!!’ He yelled with his fiercest death stare after 10 seconds.
Luckily, i have a pretty fatal death stare myself. Plus, I’ve learned how to respond in situations like this, just bark back with as few words as possible…
‘Eilat, TICKET!!’
Return or single!?’
Cue thinking music, ah, return, didn’t think of that, might be cheaper… ‘Return!!’
‘Time!’
‘What?’
‘TIME!!’
‘I have to choose a time from Jordan now, I don’t even know how long I’ll be in Jordan..
‘YES! CHOOSE! NOW!!! ‘
Ah, ah, fuck it, ‘SINGLE!!!!’
And with that the painful and very tense exchange finally ended. Upon leaving, I looked at him and muttered ‘cunt’ or something like that, just loud enough for him to hear, but low enough for me to deny everything if he called the soldiers over.

Offence 2
The second offence was offending Papa Smurf in our dorm in Eilat. The only way I could keep the door to our dorm closed was to lock it. Big mistake. Lying on my bed I hear the knob turning aggressively for a few minutes before three thuds on the door. I open it and looking back at me was someone who can best be described as Papa Smurf.. ‘Hey, Papa Smurf, how’s tricks’ (I didn’t actually call him papa smurf). He was furious that the door was locked.
‘Why is the door locked?!’
‘It’s the only way the door would close’
‘You must never lock the door!’
‘Hey! Pipe down Pops, no-one told me it was a sin to lock a fucking door, it’s just a bloody door, what’s the big deal?’
Then he muttered something in his native tongue and I did the C word trick again and the exchange eventually died out.

Offence 3
Upon arriving to my hostel in Petra, I realised I didn’t have a Jordanian power converter, so the friendly guy at the desk showed me where I could charge my stuff with his converters. So I left my iPad and camera charging before returning to collect 3 hours later. Big mistake. In the room was the English owner of the hostel talking to her Dad on Skype. I gave an agreeable nod to say hello, before crouching to look at my iPad. Little did I know that this was her living room and not a communal space.
‘Excuse me, can I help you’.
‘No, I’m ok, just checking some emails’.
‘Well can you do it out there please’.
‘Huh?’ Then she said, ‘Just a sec dad’, stormed over, took my stuff and rammed it in the power sockets by reception’.
‘Hey, hey, hey, ease up! Theres some expensive stuff there… thinking ‘Surly bitch, you can take the girl out of London…’. Then she told me it was her living room, before me saying I was told to charge it there, why live in a hostel if you hate people blah blah blah, you belong in London blah blah, cunt etc, and that was that.

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