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 “One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country. It’s not okay. It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be. [Sex] is supposed to be within marriage. It’s supposed to be for purposes that are yes, conjugal…but also procreative. That’s the perfect way that a sexual union should happen…This is special and it needs to be seen as special.”

~Rick Santorum. This guy, up until recently was a chance to be president. Oh shit. Please stay in the race, your presence is the best thing your enemies have.
 
If we took away the minimum wage—if conceivably it was gone—we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely.”
~Michele Bachmann. That’s genius. Why didn’t anyone else think of that? Oh right, exploitation. Bugger.
 
“Capital punishment is our way of demonstrating the sanctity of life.”
~Republican Senator Orrin Hatch. Um, no comment.
 
“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term President.”
~Mitch McConnell. A lesson on how to set healthy priorities. 
 
“It is tragic what we do in the poorest neighborhoods, entrapping children in child laws which are truly stupid…These schools should get rid of unionized janitors, have one master janitor, pay local students to take care of the school.”
~Newt Gingrich. Child labour….Ummmm…. I’m ganna stand over there. Kids, quick, come with me.
 
“You don’t have a right to a house, you don’t have a right to a job, you don’t have a right to medical care.”
~Ron Paul. You don’t have a right to a mum, a dad, a penis, food, water, sex, roads, transport, the sun etc etc. Ok, hands up which other rich industrialised nations believe access to health care is not a basic human right? Anyone? 
 
“Don’t try to stop the foreclosure process. Let it run its course and hit the bottom.”
~Mitt Romney. That’ll teach ‘em.
 
“I’m not concerned about the very poor, we have a safety net there, if we need to repair, I’ll fix it. I’m not concerned about the very rich, they’re doing just fine. I’m concerned about the very heart of America, the 90-95 percent of Americans who are struggling, and I’ll continue to take that message across the country.”
~Mitt Romney. The Lesson? Don’t be poor in America. Not only will you be screwed, a Republican will enjoy screwing you (and force you to have the baby).
 
“Suffering, if you’re a Christian, suffering is a part of life. And it’s not a bad thing, it is an essential thing in life … There are all different ways to suffer. One way to suffer is through lack of food and shelter and there’s another way to suffer which is lack of dignity and hope and there’s all sorts of ways that people suffer and it’s not just tangible, it’s also intangible and we have to consider both.”
~Rick Santorum. Slow down, slow down, I’m trying to write all this down… Suffering is good. Lack of dignity, starvation, suffering… Man, this is great advise. It all makes sense now.
 
“Last week, we worked on some welfare reform bills. And here, it’s kind of ironic, I’ll read you this little funny clip that we got from a friend. It says, ‘Isn’t it ironic that the food stamp program, part of the Department of Agriculture, is pleased to be distributing the greatest amount of food stamps ever. Meanwhile, the Park Service, also part of the Department of Agriculture, asks us to please not feed the animals, because the animals may grow dependent and not learn to take care of themselves.”
~Minnesota State Rep. Because wild animals and hungry people are quite similar.
 
“Personally I’d like to make a law that mandates a woman watch an abortion being performed prior to having a “surgical procedure”. If it’s not a life it shouldn’t matter, if it doesn’t harm a woman then she shouldn’t care, and don’t we want more transparency and education in the medical profession anyway?”
~Arizona State Rep. Kinda similar to how Neo Conservatives should be forced to watch thousands of civilians being slaughtered before deciding whether to invade their country and create their own puppet state. 

 “We need a candidate who’s going to be a fighter for freedom. Who is going to get up and make that the central theme in this race because it is the central theme in this race. I don’t care what the unemployment rate’s going to be. Doesn’t matter to me. My campaign doesn’t hinge on unemployment rates and growth rates.”
~Rick Santorum. Unemployment doesn’t matter. Um… 

“All we have to do is replace Obama. We are not auditioning for fearless leader. We don’t need a president to tell us in what direction to go. We know what direction to go. We want the Ryan budget. We just need a president to sign this stuff. We don’t need someone to think it up or design it. The leadership now for the modern conservative movement for the next 20 years will be coming out of the House and the Senate. Pick a Republican with enough working digits to handle a pen to become president of the United States. This is a change for Republicans: the House and Senate doing the work with the president signing bills. His job is to be captain of the team, to sign the legislation that has already been prepared. 
Grover Norquist. So, in other words, a puppet? George W Bush almost makes sense now.
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