Welcome to Iran

Look at this, I have access to LO-FI, not much else though. I can’t access wi-fi on my devices , so I need to rough it in web cafes.

I should have listened to the scaremongers, my first day in Iran was a nightmare. Firstly, I was detained for 7 hours upon entry by the Revolutionary Guard, and questioned heavily about my links to my American girlfriend. I was then tortured. When I was finally released, an angry mob was waiting outside, armed with sticks and fire, dressed in turbans and burkas, just like in the news. I had to run. After around 15 minutes of running, a car came out of nowhere and skidded to the sidewalk, ‘Get in!’. ‘Who are you?!’ I screamed. ‘Adrian, there’s no time, you need to get in this car, NOW!’. His name was Jack Bauer, he was on a covert mission to capture the nuclear bomb and detonate it in the Indian Ocean. We sped away. ‘What are you doing here Adrian, this is a dangerous place.’ ‘I thought it was just a myth’. Then we were hit. It was a bunch of masked extremists. Jack did a commando role and shot most of them. He was outnumbered and consequently captured and dragged away. I ran. I ran from Iran. As I ran, I saw three public hangings, as well as a private one. There were angry mobs everywhere. Bang! One car bomb. Then another. I eventually found a hotel. The owner took one look at my Passport and burned it, ‘Now you’re stuck here’. I spent the night huddled up in a corner with some stray dogs. As I dozed in and out of sleep, the sounds of Iran rang in my ears; mobs chanting, a radical cleric preaching, another nuclear test exploding, and the harrowing howls of Jack Bauer as he was being tortured in his cell. Welcome to Iran.

Unfortunately, the reality was painfully pleasant. I’ve never had such a relaxed customs experience. Upon leaving Turkish customs, and entering the Iranian side, I was greeted by a smiling soldier, who managed to make two jokes in the minute we spoke. I was then taken to the magic window to present my Passport. I was accompanied by a casually dressed official who enjoyed making plenty of small talk with me and welcoming me to Iran. Then, I was escorted to a room, where I was introduced to a smiling young lady (what;s with all the smiles I thought, isn’t this customs?) She went through a few formalities, before giving me her contact details, saying ‘If you need any tourist advice or information, let me know’. She also wrote down the conversion rates, and told me how much a taxi should cost.

As I expected, everyone wants to know where I’m from. They all seem to really like Australia.

‘Where are you from?’
‘Australia’.
He smiles and nods, ‘Ah, Ooostralia’.
He turns to tell his friends, ‘Oostralia’.
The friends all smile and nod, ‘Ah, Oostralia’.

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