Why is it so? And surely he couldn’t be?

When my sister was in town, she was asked why on earth her brother didn’t have a girlfriend. I get a bit pissed when people ask this question in a gasping, ‘why on earth?!’ manner, like, ‘What’s wrong with you, how could this be, you must be doing something wrong’. Like it’s some sort of failure or character flaw to be single. I think it’s much more of a failure to remain in a failed relationship, or to just shamelessly hop from one relationship to the next because you can’t stand your own company. So I say to them ‘I have had girlfriends before, and I’d like to think I haven’t closed the account altogether, it’ll happen again… back the fuck off!’ Then apologise for getting angry and swearing at them.

Once while discussing how my younger brother was now the father of two kids, and my sister was all hooked up, it was put to me ‘Are your parents worried about you being gay?’ No Paul Hicks, they’re not. You’re thinking of your parents, and they were right. It’s perfectly possible for a guy to be clean, single and straight. That said, I recently embarked on yoga classes, you know, to assimilate the mind and body. Whenever I tell one of my straight male friends of this initiative, they usually ask ‘Yoga? Shit, what sort of guy are you anyway?’ To which I usually respond with ‘Well, I don’t really know. On one hand I like football, woman and beer, which makes me a legitimate bloke. On the other hand, I like to dablle in spiritual, gay stuff like introspection, yoga and meditation. Shit, I’m confused’.

I do often ponder what it means when I embark on such antics, look around, and see 30 woman in the room and no men. Then reflect on how I have twice as many girl friends as guy friends. And then, somehow, I have ended up prancing around in the theatre industry. Shit. Shit. Shit.

So I think we should put it to a vote.

What sort of guy am I anyway?
a) Gay.
b) A guy scraping at the barrel of new ways to meet woman.
c) Your average straight guy, who just happens to be a designer. Working in theatre. Who does yoga. And cleans a lot.
d) A wanker.

You’ll probably say a or b. I think it’s more d.

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