Dolce & Gabbana

I think I’ve done enough ranting about advertising, so today I’m going to open this one up to my students. Kids, hands up who can tell me what is wrong with this ad? Yes Billy, you.

Um, the man looks like a woman. Even though he’s not a transvestite or cross dresser, he looks like a woman.

Yes, Billy, very good. The man looks like a woman. He exhibits physical characteristics that are worryingly feminine. Nothing wrong with a man wanting to look this way, each to their own, but I suspect this was not the aim of Dolce & Gabbana. This is Photoshop gone wrong. Fail, Dolce & Gabbana, fail.

Next. Yes please Sally, your turn.

The man looks gold, even though he’s Anglo.

Brilliant observation Sally. Yes, this man is gold. He is a gold man. Not because he is mixed race, not even because he’s a sauna junkie, but because D&C have decided it’s cool to be gold. Not tanned. Gold. So they coloured him gold. Write that down kids, It’s cool to look gold. Try and find a way to colour your skin gold.

Kenny, you look quite keen for your point to be heard, you’re turn.

Um, the man looks like a reformed kiddie fiddler.

Kenny, why do you say this?

Um, the look in his eyes, it’s the same one Brother Rory gives me in Religious Education class. Brother Rory is a reformed kiddie fiddler, that’s why he’s part of the Catholic Church.

Kenny, please! Unfortunately you’re wrong here. I’m afraid Brother Rory is still a kiddie fiddler. There have been several complaints. However, it’s the Church’s policy to protect its brand, so you’re just going to have to take it, literally. You be careful around him Kenny, especially during confirmation. Make sure it’s bread he places in your mouth! Bread, Kenny! Now pray to the Pope so he protects you from the Brotherhood.

Yes Sandra, what do you see?

I see a man who is 42 years old, but doesn’t have a single wrinkle or bit of texture or life in his skin.

Fantastic, yes. This is not because he’s the pinnacle of good health, this is because D&C have decided that it’s cool to be a Photoshop file. To not be human. Everybody, please give thanks to D&C for showing us how we should aspire to look, even though it’s not possible. For trying to make us look like Photoshop files. More makeup Sandra, D&C would like more make-up on you please, no wrinkles. Anyone else?

He shaves his chest. He has woman’s lips. His lips are too red. He’s really shiny. The ad took up half a page of my newspaper.

Yes. Who said that last one, Joey? Excellent work Joey. This one is crucial. Some newspapers won’t print ads campaigning for social change or increased awareness on certain issues, for fear of offending people and advertisers, but they’ll print this?!

Ok kids, it’s time for science class. What is this I’m carrying into the classroom?

A very large tank of highly flammable liquid.

Correct. Now, if we mix very large tanks of highly flammable liquid with balls of fire, what happens?

More fire.

And if we place the ad in the fire, what happens?

It burns. D&C burns.

Please throw all other appropriate material in the fire kids. Now here’s some literature with which I’d like you all to familiarise yourselves. You won’t find celebrities or aftershave in these papers. You won’t find ads. Disseminate the material at recess. Together we’ll get things done. Now, fists in the air.
Together Everyone Achieve More.

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Please Vote

Please vote for what you consider to be the most disturbing aspect of this ad.

a) The ladies questionable puffy mullet hairstyle.
b) The ladies motives for stealing the pants of a gargantuan fat man and parading them around like a trophy.
c) has changed her from being a generously proportioned black woman to a skinny white one.

Stuff & Shit is AGAINST racist ads on the London Underground.

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Advertising is clever Part 1

I know these ads are deliberately stupid and kooky ironic in a trendy well researched targeted demographic care free spirited fuck the system kinda way, but it is still the opinion of Stuff & Shit that these ad men should stick to producing traditional pointless stupid shit, not ironic pointless stupid shit.

I wish those guns were real. No seriously, I really wish they were real.
Guys, can I play? It looks real but it’s not. Let me play.

To be fair, this one is clever. I like the way the girl is questioning why glasses should be worn over eyes without hair underneath. And how she’s being really silly in a really vacuous, numb sorta way. I really like it. And how she’s really bony with a massive armpit hole.

Suspected pee stain.

This is my favourite, it’s a little bit controversial and really hits the spot with closet activists. Because so many political activists are models nowadays, and dress in carefully constructed casual Diesel street wear. ‘Hey mate, you look like a shop window mannequin. Yeah you. C’mon, what you ganna do? You’re a mannequin, you’re frozen in a carefully constructed pose’.

Frail, half-naked and aloof, waiting to accept it from behind because she is cool. It’s not sexist, because it’s a play on sexism, see… advertising is clever. It’s aware of what it is doing. I get it. I’m going to give this to my nieces so they know how to be cool when they grow up. That’s it Millie, run to Diesel, it’s ok, they’re a brand, they do market-research, you’re their market now, listen to them, do what they say. Go on Millie, Diesel is your guardian now, go on.

Die Diesel Die!

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It’s all too much

This is close to the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen… a piece of advertising depicting a bunch of men sitting on each other with nothing but underwear, socks, boots and bulge. To be fair, although it is ridiculous, in its defense I can kinda see where they are coming from. For example, at work our studio tends to get very hot, so quite often we are forced to lose layers of clothing to combat the heat. Every now and gain, just for a laugh, the guys will take all their clothes off, apart from undies and boots, and just sit on each other and muck around. Everyone gets a laugh out of it and it’s actually a lot of fun. Last week Matt sat on Damien while Rich sat on Graham. The week before Graham sat on Matt while Rich got really tactile. No big deal, but my question is, although this is common practice, why has it been turned into an ad?? I don’t get it.

In all seriousness, an ad like this makes me stand back and ask what the hell is going on. What are we all doing? What legacy are we leaving? Bad advertising is one of the great tragedies of our time, forget famine Africa, forget conflict in the Middle East, forget Sarah Palin, this shit is real. It is all too much

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