Dinner with the tribe. Couscous. I don’t mind Couscous, but usually when it’s served with some flavouring and texture. This was more ‘monolithic-mound-of-stuff’ than it was couscous. It was a solid unit. Very solid. Mmmm, it’s, um – delicious. It was just as well we all sat there in complete darkness, as that meant they couldn’t see my face wince after each mouthful. After 10 minutes it felt like I’d been working on the bowl for 4 days. I used my phone flashlight to see how much more there was to go. Oh shit, there’s a lot. A hell of a lot. In fact, I think there’s actually more than before.

To be fair, as their guest, I probably should have bought them a goat. There was talk of this. But the more I get to know goats, the more fond of them I become. And the thought of seeing a goat killed in front of me gave me nightmares. So I think the extremely dry, bitter and generally unagreeable pile of Couscous was their way of saying, ‘We don’t mind bleeding animals, but we don’t care for your bleeding heart’. Point taken, as I gnaw at another slow, painful handful, waiting 5 minutes before I’ve chewed each mouthful down to my incredulous stomach.

My stomach would cry, ‘what’s going on up there?! We want food?!’. I’d say, ‘So do I mate, so do I. We need to work together on this one’. Stomach unimpressed: ‘Groan. Groan. Groan. I’m going to fuck you up later in the week’. He was true to his word, I had a serious session of projectile vomiting a few days later. Very satisfying though. The tribe turned on a flashlight to see who I was talking to. I was gesturing to my stomach in an animated manner, yapping away. ‘Oh, it’s just me going insane. Just ignore it guys. I always go a little ‘cuckoo-cuckoo’ when I travel. I kinda like it though’. Another handful. Another handful. And then, another what? Another handful.

Then there was the coffee. I love coffee, but I don’t think this was coffee. It was more… raw earth. It was very very thick, ‘Um, is this liquid or matter?’. Incredibly potent too. Since the first bowl, I still haven’t slept. The doctor says I’ll probably never sleep again. Oh well, at least the nightmares have stopped.